Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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