I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
