Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize