also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
