we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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