I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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