upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
