You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
