He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
