I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
