Girls should come with a carfax report
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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