Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
