it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
