No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
