Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize