If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
