im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
