So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
