My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
