Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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