And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
