i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
