So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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