i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
