That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
