In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm having to shit out rocks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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