I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
