I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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