got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
