I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
