Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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