you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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