if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
