Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
