I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
