I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
