are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
