U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have demons in me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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