hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
