You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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