I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
