this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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