I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
