I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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