Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
