Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
