how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
