I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
