You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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