dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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