Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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