How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
