When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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