I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
