Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
