Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize