i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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