when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
