I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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