Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
