my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cut my penus on the lid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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