3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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