I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
