I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
