Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
