Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
