Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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