I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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