Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
