Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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