Pappa wants mamma naked
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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