It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
