I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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