im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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