There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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