Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
