your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
