The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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