It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
