She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Operation Purity has been aborted
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
