Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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