apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
