did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
