Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.