Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers