Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
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i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.