I could make wine with my vomit
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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