his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER