Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.