Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags