He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
