Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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