Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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