i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
