i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
