Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
