we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
