last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
