I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
